Oct 24, 2011


I am still in mourning over the loss of dancing’s greatest gift since Jennifer Beal’s stunt double, so I am writing this while peering through a black veil.  How could Carson Kressley have been tossed aside before Broadway week?  The most electrifying personality in this competition is now gone.  Gone too soon.  I need a moment…

Alas, I still have a duty to all four of my fans (hi mom), so the show must go on!  The theme this week was Broadway, and we were treated to some Tony winning performances and some who the curtain should have dropped on immediately.  On to the theater!

Rob Kardashian:  Suspect #1 in the “Who sabotaged Carson?” case on my list!  His Cha-cha was so awkward.  It looked like when you go to a friend’s home, and they call their 4 year old in the living room and say, “Honey, perform that dance you’re rehearsing for the school recital in front of our guests.”  But did I really expect pizazz from this vanilla wafer?  He took a step back for me this week.  Please, stop doing the exit interviews with him!  He is such a negative Nancy (no affiliation to Grace, or could there be..) on himself.  You don’t win votes from female viewers if you are not a confident man!  Of course, the entire Kardashian Klan (careful with the K’s) was front row and center, and the cameramen let us know that at least three times tonight.  Moving right along….

Nancy Grace:  Suspect #2 in my case.  She performed a fox trot to a number from Spam-A-Lot, and thanks to the stitching in wardrobe, we got to see her Spam..A LOT!  Cancel my Thanksgiving order from Honeybaked Ham because this holiday just won’t be the same this year!  I don’t know how her hot dancing partner Tristan deals with her attitude.  He is a saint, and did I mention that he’s HOT?  She earned herself a 24, but, in my opinion, she would have gotten at least one 10 had she done the “Muppets Take Manhattan” routine that she knows like the back of her hand.

Sidenote:  Kudos to Brooke Burke for tugging at the “I know you can’t stand this chick…” obviousness when interviewing Tristan and Nancy.  She made me smile.

David Arquette:  The little engine that could!  He really gives such an effort every week.  The quickstep is a high energy, fast paced dance that is very hard to master.  You could literally see David counting the steps throughout his performance.  There were times he would get ahead of the music, but overall he was good.  He is winning me over not only on his hard work and ambition, but he is certifiably crazy when he opens his mouth.  How I do enjoy the Arquette family!  He’ll make it through another week.

Ricki Lake: Ricki is in it to win it!  I saw smoke coming off of her heels, she was moving so fast!  A vibrant quick step that set the bar very high for the evening.  I have to say that Derrick Hough is one of the best choreographers on the show and brings the talent out of whomever he is partnered with.  Bravo!

And just like that, Brooke Burke is back on my “needs to be slapped list” asking Ricki about her weight loss.  Don’t add anymore pressure on the woman.  She looks good!  I don’t see Brooke asking Chaz Bono about the ease of his belt notches!  This chick…

Chaz Bono:  Did they run out of time making that tuxedo for Chaz to look like an extra in “Happy Feet” that someone had to run to the local flea market to get that mask?  Other than that make shift Michael Meyers mask, I thought Chaz looked adorable and it was his best dance.  The judges didn’t think his tango to “Phantom of The Opera” was up to par.  They were excessively harsh in their criticism, giving him the lowest scores of the evening.  I believe his fans will carry him through to next week.  Please, oh please, bring Cher back!

Hope Solo:  How many women does it take to help Hope become a lady?  This is not one of my bad jokes.  This was actually the brainchild of Hope’s partner Maksim.  The answer: 3 and that still wasn’t enough!  So, her rumba lacked finesse and was stiff at time.  When she did proper technique, she did it right.  Obviously, the judges were still miffed by Chaz’s performance because they did not hold back. Even I squinted when they didn’t mince words.  Give the guy a break!

J.R. Martinez:  Save the best for last!  His quick step could not be beat.  This gentleman can easily add professional dancer to his resume.  He outperforms everyone, and his previous week’s dances, each and every time.  To quote Jay-Z, “He’s like Jordan in Game 6.”  I don’t see how he possibly was one point off from a perfect score.  Get it together, Lynn!

Group Number: ….I can’t….I just can’t.  I want to end on a good note.

Last Thursday, I was able to attend the Circle of Care foundation charity event where I was able to meet, and interview, J.R. Martinez, David Arquette, and (be still my heart) Carson Kressley.  Make sure to check out the video post, and see the face behind the b$#ch that brings you this blog!  Toodles xoxo