Television, What to Watch
Apr 16, 2013


Photo Credit, ABC

It’s week 5 of Dancing With the “Stars” and surprisingly enough, D.L. Hughley is still in it! Do that many black people actually watch the show? This sista is shocked. Because fresh ideas are the basis of this competition (see my eyes…roll’em!) the challenge is for the celebs to dance beside the pros during the routine in mirror fashion. Hasn’t Wynnona been through enough! Oh wait, she’s off the show? Why the hell am I watching this!

Now before we get to the criticisms (cough, cough…results), I would like to take a moment to extend my sincere, heartfelt condolences to every individual affected by the tragic bombing in Boston yesterday. What a senseless and cowardly act to harm strangers who gathered together to celebrate comradery in a beloved event that brings so many different cultures in unison every year. As a nation we stand. My prayers are with the families who lost loved ones and a swift recovery to the injured. God Bless you all.

Back to the show:

Ingo (cha cha): I see what the real deal is. They only dance alongside each other for 15 seconds for the most basic portion of the routine. That’s smart, except the professionals get to open the dance and then pass it to the amateurs. Poor Ingo was paired with last year’s champion Tony. Fred Astaire began the routine and Fred Flinstone finished it, minus the twinkle toes. 21

Jacoby (jive): I’ll admit, I was pleasantly surprised! His long limbs and jovial personality were perfect for this routine. I missed a few weeks, but obviously Jacoby took all that time to rehearse. And then he opened his mouth….(sigh)…when does he graduate from high school, again? 26

Victor (Viennese Waltz): The first star to exactly replicate his paired pro! The rest was, a bit vanilla. It was a lukewarm bath with about five bubbles while listening to your Michael Bolton Pandora station. When will people learn that Carrie Ann will always take a point off for lifts? 21

Aly (samba): She may have the thighs of a thoroughbred, but clearly they’ve never been parted. Hey, she’s young, so I hope she still has some innocence to her. Her routine was good, but doing the same dance beside a Marilyn Monroe-esque dancer is going to garner some criticism. Good job, though. 25

Sean (quickstep): Do you remember how Barbie had a little sister named Skipper? Does anyone remember that Ken had a younger brother named Tommy? He’s back in action on Dancing With The Stars! 24

Kellie (fox trot): I bet you when the cameras turn off, Derek Hough is like a drill sergeant. In the packages, the stars always look like baby ducks taking their first steps. By the time of the live show, they are gliding like Grace Kelly. 27

D.L. (tango): This wasn’t the tango. It was more like the Monster Mash starring Frankenstein. D.L. is really trying, but there is no way he will make it to the finals. 18

Zendaya (Argentine Tango): This baby gazelle is going to be a star. Those gams! WERK MARY! First 10’s of the season! 29

Andy (Paso Doble): It definitely wasn’t sexy, but it was entertaining. Nice capework. 18

Do one act of kindness today without expecting a reward. And call a family member. Tell someone you love them. Pray for Boston.