Tonight was the much anticipated premiere of season 13th’s Dancing With Stars on ABC. There is a new bigger, brighter stage with a 3rd level added for those trying to score the hottest (and hardest to get) ticket in town. I settled in like most of America ready to be dazzled by the new round of novice ballroom performers, not wanting the need to look for the remote for the next two hours. In my opinion, I had set the bar too high.
The opening performer was Ron Artest, excuse me, Meta World Peace. He came out with a dazzling smile and newly blonde mane. I thought, “This is going to be good!” He was high energy and entertaining. Then, he became flirty with Carrie Ann, Brooke, and any other pretty woman that graced the room. Careful Ron, I’ve met your wife. She looks like she kicks ass as a part-time job! Second up was Rob Kardashian. Of course, the Kardashian clan was front row and center. They really have the formula for turning dust into diamonds because they aren’t going anywhere. For the right price, they’d show up to the opening of a door, as long as “Kardashian” was written across it. His dance was an honest effort. He’s really trying to break out on his own, but that brood of women will always overshadow the little brother. Sorry kid.
Then, the show began to flat line. It became “Dancing With the Snooze.” Some may say, “Don’t be so hard. It’s the first week!” The first week is the most important week. These stars have been teamed up with their professionals for about eight weeks, so these are dances they should have mastered. From here on, they only have one week to learn. Time to step their games up! A blip came on the radar when David Arquette made his appearance, but not as I expected. He genuinely worked hard! The camera panned to Courtney Cox and their daughter CoCo who were there to fully support the newly eight month sober actor. A very tender moment.
So, the first hour left me underwhelmed. I thought to myself, “The new season of Two and Half Men is about to start.” All of a sudden, the magical unicorn named Caron Kressley sashayed across the floor and woke the audience up! Finally, the party was starting! Performances began to get better, but there were two that stood out to me. The show’s closer, Chaz Bono, took to the floor and worked ALL that new body like a champ. I expect him to sail through tomorrow night. Didn’t see Cher in the audience (damnit!!!), but it is the first night. My hat goes off to J.R. Martinez, soap actor and Iraq war veteran. He was the best performer of the night. His personal story moved me. After all he has been through, he is so optimistic and still keeps a humble sensibility and sincere smile. Of course, the beauty bot known as Brooke Burke, asked him the dumbest question, “Did you ever think when you were in Iraq, you would later be on Dancing With The Stars?” Honey, ad lib isn’t your forte, stick to the cue cards!
Tomorrow night is elimination, and my guess is as good as yours because of the amount of lackluster gliding that occurred over the two hours I can’t get back.