Last week, people were criticizing President Obama’s performance during the debates. Well, I know why he wasn’t himself. During Tuesday night’s result show, Bristol Palin was shockingly saved from elimination although she received the lowest judges score on Monday. With the use of an HD DVR, I was able to rewind and pause the show to the exact moment the cameras panned on Sarah Palin.
On her red painted middle finger nails were the letters “F.U.” and a look in her eyes that read, “Yes, Obama, we Republicans vote on EVERYTHING! We’re gunning for you!” Take this as a warning.
Like everything in Hollywood, original ideas are recycled, given a face lift, and given the name improved to lure the audience back in. Dancing With The Stars followed suit by having the contestants recreate previous performer’s routines but with their own twist, and giving the all-stars creative control. Like that terrible ex who decided to lose 15 pounds and came knocking on our door years later, we wanted to see if anything got “better” so we watched. A sucker is born every minute.
Drew kicked off the evening with a chacha, trying to recreate the “Beyonce bounce” in the midst. But when you don’t even have an ounce to bounce in the booty department, it just isn’t the same. An A for effort. 24
Gilles decided to up the anty with a tango whose opening sequence included the use of a harness. I don’t know how fat those DWTS checks are, but I don’t think there’s enough zerosin it to break your damn neck! Giving creative control to ALL the stars might not have been the best thing for every contestant. Gilles had his partner in the Fredrick’s Of Hollywood midnight collection and the scene was a bedroom. The subtleness for that threesome is so far out the window! 25.5
Melissa decided to throw the kitchen sink in her routine. She had every samba move under the sun in there. A bit much for me, but I give her an extra point for that glittery tramp stamp she was sporting. And I won’t throw anymore shade to her because I was threatened by Crystal “It’s like Jello but with an M” Mello from the Boston mob family to lay off the lady! 27
Apollo...I can’t until he he shaves that mini beaver under his bottom lip. Good job 25.5
Kelly better be glad she weighs 27 pounds soaking wet because her partner was spinning and twisting her like fresh pretzel dough (mmmm….pretzels…..). I never really noticed how tiny she is, except for her fun bags which are going to give black eyes or bruised knees one day, depending on gravity. Solid performance. 27
Every season there is a celebrity who isn’t the best dancer, but rather the best entertainer. Enter Kirstie Alley. She knows how to have fun and put a smile on everyone’s face. I adore that she chose to recreate Carson’s “Moves Like Jagger” chacha. She earned a modest 24. Kirstie, you don’t have to kiss a different person each week. Take a cold shower, you horny cougar!
My girl Sabrina always delivers. This young lady works so hard. I believe her paso doble was underscored at 25.5. She was technically flawless while avoiding a nip slip more than once!
Emmit is still holding strong but hasn’t given me the breakout routine I know he can deliver. Still very consistent in giving a good performance. 25
Bristol’s opening package showed what we all know, she’s a BRAT! Her paso doble was an ambien for my eyes…boring! She actually danced ok, though. Did I just say that? Maybe it’s because her costume reminded me of a cross between an “Ice Queen and a frigid b&%$h” with a headpiece. The way to my heart is just too easy. 22.5
Shawn ended the show with a quick step that will go down in the books. She came out in a black and white costume, same colors as Bristol, but basically said, “This is how you do it! Step aside chump, I’m a champ!” She is a true athlete. There were flips, trampolines, crash mats! No future performer will every be able to recreate her routine. The only reason she didn’t get a perfect score is because she broke the rules according to ballroom. It was still very entertaining. The flying squirrel just catapulted her chances to the finals because now viewers will be anticipating a revved up freestyle. Smart move, Eleanor. 26.5
Tonight there is a double elimination. If by any chance Bristol sees the light of another week of dancing, I will stop this blog and focus on a true talent competition that premieres next Monday: RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars Edition! *Bonus* Paula Abdul is guest judging next week. I’ll drink to that!