Nov 8, 2011


Another week has gone by at DWTS and the evil secret squirrel committee has taken out another fan favorite in this competition.  When Nancy had her minions delivered the guillotine to my porcelain doll Carson Kressley, I assumed that someone would stop her!  But now that Chaz and David have been eliminated, I realized she is not working alone.  Every week she HOPEs to dance again, HOPEs her fans will vote, and HOPEs the judges see how hard she worked.  How have Bebop and Rocksteady lasted this long?

Something in the milk ain’t clean, alas the show must go on……

This week the dancers had to deliver two dances for the audience’s viewing pleasure.  They delivered with a waltz or quick step, followed by an “instant” jive.  With only five couples left, the pressure is definitely on.

Rob Kardashian:  I don’t think Rob, or anybody, thought he would last this long in the competition!  Now that he has, he improves as the weeks progress.  He gave an effective jive and energetic quick step.  A large portion of the family was there to support him, including his “late in life, lesbian looking” stepfather Bruce Jenner.  I see him advancing another week, unless the S.S.C. make him the next victim on their list.  It’s not like they can take out Ricki or J.R.  That would be way too obvious!

Hope Solo: The judges gave her a generous 27 out of 30, even though she was a half step behind her partner through out the entire routine.  Maybe they, like I, was mesmerized by the effort she put into her ensemble for the evening.  She looked pretty enough to place 2nd runner up in Miss Drag America!  The timing of her jive was better than her quick step, but she still is lacking the “wow” factor to win over the audience.

STOP!!! Does Brooke Burke have a bedazzled microphone?  Who does she think she is….Barbra Streisand!!!  Make her stop!

Ricki Lake: This is when I know that death threats have been sent to the judges.  Ricki’s waltz was graceful and elegant.  The critiques were so nit-picky, it was embarrassing.  She was two points away from a perfect score.  And tell me this, who is working in the wardrobe department that is in charge of putting Ms. Lake in the most ill-fitting ensembles?  She’s worked hard and shed some pounds, so let’s accentuate her better features. Get it together stylists!

Nancy Grace: The master of disaster!  Move over bacon, here comes Sizzlean!  Nancy said, “I’ve lost a few pounds, too!  If you don’t want a plague on your houses, you’ll do as I say!”  So, an assistant ran over to Nordstrom and grabbed a corset, dress from the junior’s department, spanx, and control top support hose, set the offerings on the sacrificial table and waited to see what was splattered on the walls.  Nancy approved on the look, fastened her Velcro basket weave on and decided it was time to Tango.  The judges were kind without being cruel and gave her a 24, but when it was time to instant jive, Len Goodman said what we are were thinking…it’s time for you to go!  And I really hope they give her some clip on bangs as a parting gift.

J.R. Martinez: I called it from day one!  He is a skilled entertainer.  His waltz and jive were magnificent.  Two perfect performances that garnered him two perfect scores.  One word of advice J.R., watch your back when walking down the stairs during eliminations.  “Showgirls” taught us this game isn’t fair.

Who will waltz their way out the door?  Tune in to find out tonight on ABC.