Reviews, Television
Mar 26, 2013


I’m trying to give this new season a chance, but I need some WOW factors to happen. Maybe they can have this cast dance on a fire pit. I don’t know. I’m just throwing some ideas out there. ABC better be lucky RuPaul’s Drag Race was a repeat this week. Let the snooze fest begin…

Ingo (quickstep): A good, solid lead off dance for the evening. He reminds me of the one dad of your friend’s in high school that was a suburban DILF. You just had to make sure you didn’t invite your slutty, “Poison Ivy” friend over for sleepovers. 20

Dorothy (jive): BO-RING! 15

Jacoby (jazz): His playful personality helped make his routine fun, but there’s just one thing that bothers me…the constant “DOY” face that he makes repeatedly that he thinks is funny. I like a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously, but let’s just hope he adjusts for the more charismatic dances like the Viennese Waltz. He’s got the talent, but does he have the drive? 23

Victor (jive): Missed hand clasps and off timing between the partner kicks, showed the clear frustration of this boxer during his performance. He was as stiff as the tin man through half the routine. It was as though he was thinking about his next step before he finished the step he was trying to execute. His baby face will garner him votes to pull him through. Hopefully his coordination will catch up with his winning smile. 18

Wynonna (quick step): The best thing about Ms. Judd is her Ursula the Sea Witch meets Ariel the little mermaid hair. I love it! I want a wig just like it! Alas, her quickstep looked more like an evening stroll. Was she wearing sneaker wedges? That diva said, “Y’all aren’t gonna play me displaying my hooves again like last week!” I want Wynonna to stay in this game. She is the Kirstie Alley of this season, and I am living for her sass and side eye. Vote for this diva! 18

Zendaya (jive): Just give her the trophy. Everyone else is just vying for runner up. This is just the second dance of the season and this young gazelle is killing each step. The judges are loving it and the audience is eating out of her hands. The look on the other contestants faces when they announced her scores…priceless. 26

Andy (jazz): You would have thought Sherri Shepard and Eric Roberts just saw a baby take it’s first steps by their expressions when the camera cut to them after Andy’s dance. Calm down, drama queens! Not to take away from Mr. Dick, it was a good routine. It reminded us that he has some acting chops still in soul. Good job, Andy. 20

Sean (jive): Kmart’s version of the Ken Doll was smart in wearing a tank top to show off his most bankable asset, his muscular arms, just in case his dancing wasn’t up to par. This took the focus off his mediocre moves. He still delivered a solid performance. Put a bag over his head, and I’d buy two tickets to the gun show. In other words, I’d hit it. 20

Alexandra (quick step): Aly showed off just a taste of her athleticism in her routine. I’m hoping she loosens up and throws in some gymnastic flair. She did win a gold medal. 24

Lisa (jive): The mighty oak that was stuck up Mrs. Vanderpump’s ass was snapped in half and possibly made into a twig. Oh, it’s still there, but she was so much more pleasant this week. And she looked like she was actually having fun! This is the Lisa that all her fans want to see. People will still vote for her with their pinkies firmly up. 18

D.L. (quickstep): Well, a fire was definitely lit in someone after that abysmal display last week. He’s no Fred Astaire, but his dancing was far from his Fred Flinstone quirky jerks from last week. Vast improvement. The judges gave good critiques but unjustly low scores. I hope his fans rally together for his sake. 16

Kellie (jazz): I’m starting to think that Derek Hough is greasing palms to make sure he gets one of the best female partners each season. This was the most entertaining dance of the night. By far the best choreography. Can I have the number to Ms. Pickler’s personal trainer, please? 26

Tonight is the season’s first elimination. I have a feeling funnyman D.L. will be taking his final bow, but I have been wrong before. When it comes to a game garnered on democracy, the votes could sway a perceivable a landslide. Listen to me! These new glasses make me sound so smart!