Award Shows, Events
Jan 15, 2012


Ricky Gervais said it best ‘The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton’.  The 69th annual Golden Globe awards were far less controversial, scratch that,  entertaining than last year’s award show. Even with pretty much every A-list celebrity you could dream of present tonight, it still took two bottles of pinot and a tremendous amount of self-control to not grab my remote and put on tonight’s newest episode of VH-1’s Mob Wives.

I’ll save you the three hours of your life (that I can’t get back) and give you the big winners of the night in the categories that you care about. The first Globe of the night was awarded to Christopher Plummer for ‘Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture’ for his role in The Beginners. You should never kick off your award ceremony with anyone over the age of eighty if you plan on ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ in the ratings department.

As far as Angelina Jolie’s continued attempts to take over… save the world, she struck out tonight when her directorial debut In the Land of Blood and Honey lost the globe for ‘Best Foreign Film’ to A Separation – a genuine foreign film actually produced by a foreign country (Iran).

Masterpiece took home the award for ‘Best Original Song in a Motion Picture’. How ironic that Madonna, the original material girl herself, won a Globe just weeks before her highly anticipated Super Bowl half-time show.  She was also my pick for ‘girl-power moment of the night’ when she repeatedly mentioned that this was ‘her’ film during her acceptance speech. Way to go Madge – take that Guy Ritchie!

Moving on to my personal favorite category ‘Best Screenplay’ where I was looking forward to a back-to-back win for Aaron Sorkin for his brilliant adaptation of Moneyball. However, Woody Allen took the cake and someone else must have taken his seat as he was no-where to be found. Perhaps he was busy playing Words with Friends with Alec Baldwin who was also noticeably absent this evening.

My heart goes out to Camille Grammer whose trophy wife days are now officially over. Kelsey Grammer has a new trophy to shine (and we’re not talking about his new wife). He took home the globe for ‘Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama’ for his role of Mayor Tom Kane in Boss. On the comedy side, Matt Leblanc finally scored a win playing the part he was born to play, himself, in the hit Showtime series Episodes.

My night was truly ruined when Leonardo Dicaprio got snubbed – yet again. What the hell does this guy have to do to get an award? It’s a sure bet if you switch teams on camera you’re coming out on top. Just ask Sean Penn. Dicaprio spent more time in the makeup chair for his portrayal of J. Edgar than Jonah Hill spent on the treadmill. Meanwhile George Clooney not only gets an all inclusive paid trip to Hawaii, but steals the win for ‘Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama’ for The Descendants.

If history repeats itself chances are Meryl Streep and Michelle Williams will go head-to-head for best actress at this year’s Academy Awards, for the winners of these next two categories are almost always guaranteed an Oscar nom. Streep won ‘Best Actress in a Motion Picture- Drama’ for her role in The Iron Lady and Williams took home ‘Best Actress in a Motion Picture- Comedy or Musical’ for My Week with Marilyn.  Seems more like my ‘year’ with Marilyn as Williams has yet to break character. Speaking of ‘breaks’ I think we need a little break from all this second rate award nonsense.

Here is my ‘Top Five Most Entertaining Moments’ of the night:

5. Teresa Guidice on Celebrity Apprentice

As Sir Elton John would say, ‘The bitch is back!’ Our favorite housewife (who won’t go away) leads the pack of an all new star studded F-list cast of Celebrity Apprentice. NBC was smart enough to air this promo during the beginning of the broadcast to awaken us all from Christopher Plummer’s dull acceptance speech.

4. Colin Firth is very racist

Gervais played it relatively tame most of the evening, saving one of his best cracks for fellow Brit; Colin Firth. When Colin came out to present the award for ‘Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama’ Gervais introduced him as ‘very racist’ and what does NBC decide to cut to? That’s right… the cast of The Help.

3. George Clooney has no shame

During Clooney’s acceptance speech he thanks Shame star – Michael Fassbender, for taking over the full ‘frontal nudity responsibility’. He then goes on to demonstrate how Fassbender can play golf with no hands.

2. Viva la Revolucion!

French is the new Indian. Just like Slumdog Millionaire a few years back, the French film The Artist scooped up a bunch of globes. The theme of these acceptance speeches seemed to be apologetic. Every time someone from the film took the stage they immediately apologized for being French. They also never failed to thank Mr. Harvey Weinstein whose name was one of the only things we could understand clearly without an interpreter.

1. David Fincher refuses direction

Director, David Fincher, robbed Meryl Streep of her right to see in one of the most beautifully awkward moments of the night. Meryl leaves her glasses at the table when she runs up to get her award. She blurts out some profanity to the audience as she quickly remembers she forgot her glasses at the table and can’t read her speech. Harvey Weinstein retrieves the glasses and hands them off to Clooney, who gets up and reaches across two people to hand them to the one seated closest to the stage – Fincher. Clooney gestures to Fincher to hand the glasses to Streep. Fincher plays dumb to the situation before finally giving into Clooney’s persistence and pointing. Fincher reluctantly takes the glasses and gets up only to immediately sit back down (glasses in hand) and watch Meryl continue to struggle.

I haven’t even mentioned half of the winners tonight, but I will finish with the most important, ‘Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical’ and ‘Best Motion Picture – Drama’.  And the winners are: The Artist and The Descendants, respectively.  Now that you know the big winners we can all look forward to the French-Hawaiian showdown at the Oscars.